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Where do you fit?

The other day I got an email directing me to a site which promised that if I answered a few simple and hypothetical questions, it will tell me how likely I am to be a billionaire in the next 10 years. After closing down all the pop-ups and resisting temptation to click on the ad on the right hand side promising to hook me up with eligible single females in my neighborhood (The wife wouldn’t have approved! After all, why would I want to do that when I have such an exceptionally beautiful and intelligent wife. Honey, if you are reading this and I am not assuming that you do, the dinner you prepared last night was awesome!) I decided to click on the survey link. After answering what seemed like a thousand questions, I was finally presented with the results page with bold fonts screaming out – “You, my dear sir, are on the fast track to riches and fame. If you are not already a best-selling author or a world-famous movie star, you should start now!”. Well, I guess, starting this blog was definitely the right move.

This whole experience got me thinking. The result – I have designed a questionnaire to help you in deciding what role in a corporate environment suits you the best! So, here goes…

Select the answer that best describes your response to the situation described in the question:

You are driving to office, running late for an important meeting with your team, when you spot a woman next to a car parked on the highway shoulder. She seems to be having trouble with her car and clearly needs help. None of the other cars are slowing down. Which of the following responses best describe your response to the above situation?

(a) I will continue on my way – after all, I don’t want to keep my team waiting!

(b) I will stop my car immediately and offer her help

(c) I will call 911 and let them know about the woman needing help, but continue on my way

(d) I am never late for meetings with my team!

(e) Depends – Is the woman attractive?

You are on a flight back home, after a busy day at an off-site hosted by your company. You are eager to get back with your family – having been away from them for the last 3 days. As you are getting up, you notice that the woman in the seat next to you has forgotten her phone and is already exiting the aircraft. What do you do?

(a) Nothing – I want to get home ASAP

(b) I will pick up the phone, run after her and hand it over to her

(c) I will let the flight attendant know about the forgotten phone

(d) Moot question – I always seat myself on the aisle seat and so would have left before anyone else in my row!

(e) Depends – Is the woman attractive?

The internal auditor has identified some ‘creative accounting entries’ in your boss’s expense ledger. She has apparently stretched the definition of ‘company related travel & entertainment’ to include her vacation trips to Las Vegas and Maui! The auditors have approached you to confirm whether some of these expense items are as ‘genuine’ as she has claimed them to be. What do you do?

(a) Nothing – I don’t know the details of the expenses and so cannot comment

(b) I will cover up for her and certify her expenses as genuine!

(c) I will talk to my HR and tell them that I cannot help the auditors as it will be a conflict of interest

(d) I will question the auditors as to why they approached me in the first place?

(e) Depends – Is she attractive?

The sales manager of one of your key supplying companies has sent you a file by error. Her file contains details of the cost structure for their products – these are products which your company has been buying and also trying to negotiate prices down for the last 5 years. What do you do?

(a) Nothing – I will delete the file immediately

(b) I will let her know that this file was sent to me by error, but will not delete it!

(c) I will quickly sign a confidentiality clause with HR absolving me of any potential violations!

(d) Why would she have sent me a mail in the first place?

(e) Depends – Is the woman attractive?

If you answered mostly a’s to the questions above, you are a straight-shooting, focused, logical person. You will be ideal for the accounting role in a company. You do not get distracted and single mindedly complete your tasks. You are also reviled by your team and colleagues – as they consider you a machine! No emotions, only heartless, cold-blooded logic! You will eventually be replaced by an automated app or software program.

If your answers were mostly b’s, then you are the ‘nice guy / girl’ in the company. You will help everyone with their work and will always be there to stand up for your team, even if they are in the wrong. You will therefore help many people advance in their career, but will not see a similar growth for yourself! Just like Uday Chopra and Fardeen Khan, you will eventually fade from public memory and will be relegated to the back office. Your role will most certainly be outsourced to India or China.

If your answers are mostly c’s, then you will do a great job in HR. You always leverage the systems and policies to not only to get things done, but also as good excuses in case things go down-hill. After all, what better excuse than to blame the system, right? ‘Ohhh, our employees are unhappy? But, we trained them with the latest analytical techniques described in the company HR manual, before asking them to spend the next several years of their lives calling up angry customers and apologizing for our product quality. I wonder why?’ You will eventually get kicked out of the organization on the grounds of pure incompetence.

If your answers are mostly d’s, you are confident, assured and never afraid to stand up for your beliefs. You have a keen mind and question everyone’s assumptions. You will be great as an operations head – driving people to generate results, cutting through their excuses with your questioning and breaking down barriers made by your employee’s assumptions. You will eventually be fired for questioning your bosses and rubbing everyone the wrong way!

If your answers are mostly e’s, congratulations! You have all the attributes of a leader – a CEO position is ideal for you! You take a context based approach towards important decisions. You look at the bigger picture and then act accordingly. You will be extremely successful and will end up marrying a trophy wife or will be assassinated by jealous competitors or both!

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2 Comments

  1. pankajjathar says:

    Super questionnaire ! just for the record I am somewhere between being fired for asking too many questions and being assassinated by a jealous competitor.

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